Leaving a Stain

I am outrageous. Outspoken. Irreverent. Shocking at times. Inspiring. Funny and often hilarious (just ask me!) But I listen deeply to others and while often quick to interrupt in my enthusiasm (sigh) I really get the power of words. All of the things I mention at the beginning of this blog are not an apology.

I PRAY that God has a sense of humor and I'm not going to get a major wuppin' when I reach the pearly gates. (not worried, but it does cross my mind….just like when I walk into a room where I'm expecting a lot of people and see signs of people (notebooks, coats, personal items, etc., but no people). I've often thought in the last 26 years of my Christianity, "UH-OH! Armageddon has started and I MISSED that initial 'all the good ones rise into heaven' moment'.") Note from blogger: any Christians out there reading this – no scripture lessons necessary – I get the real message…..so just smile with me!

This weekend I was recovering from some gum surgery. And this is a direct shout out to DEAD RITA: thanks for those fabulous gums Mom!! I've often looked at the medical issues my parents had, and while I'm healthy I go through that checklist on the medical sheets you fill out and check all those little boxes! History of almost all the deadly medical sins – diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, cancer (even BREAST cancer for a grandfather!) and the list goes on. No additions – I don't think either one had any time left for them!! Once I wrote at the bottom of the page: This bloodline must be stopped!

This gum surgery's a doozy and no fun. I was talking with someone this weekend and had little patience. (that's it – strip my gums and then tell me I can't eat). Little tolerance was my M.O. I didn't tell this person how I truly felt because I knew I'd end up 'cleaning it up' later. I'd have to apologize for what I had said (true or not – because the spirit and tone of it would have been nasty).

And in that reflection I had a moment with a new angel of a friend that makes me laugh and think. We met up for a bit on Sunday. She not only was good for my soul she made me laugh so hard I was afraid I blew some sutures out of my mouth. Talk about the agony and the ecstasy! As we discussed what I WANTED to say but had refrained, we had that whole "you're entitled" conversation. And I said, "no – I won't feel better – I'll have said something that would hurt in an unnecessary and calculated way AND I'd have to go clean it up."

And then it hit me: words leave a stain that never goes away. You can scrub it (apologize); clean it (hope it eventually fades); and ignore it (and others wonder if you know what they see). Because some stains never truly fade. I don't want to stain people with words that hurt. I've definitely done it, and apologize if it's possible. But it's not always possible. And my words are the mark I leave. The mark you leave.

Just a thought about a stain.