Looking back at the last 30 years

I purposely don't spend a lot of time looking back. When I was in high school, I used to talk about the past all the time. And a great friend of mine named Tom whom I respected once looked at me impatiently and said, "Vicky you spend all your time talking about the past! Think about the future!" And with that, I was done looking at the past. But this week was an exception.

Back to the past. I spent four days in Ft. Wayne this week to attend my nephew's graduation from IUPU at Ft. Wayne in their fine arts program. Josh is the one that inspired me to begin this blog – to showcase Dead Rita and her wisdom. (That previous blog is the first one in April 2008 titled Take Your Art to the World.)

I don't go back to Ft. Wayne, Indiana much. It's a great place to be from, but I wanted out of Ft. Wayne since I was about 10. Mr. Papa was from New York City and I have a New York state of mind. My goal was to get to New York….I made it as far as Cleveland when I married John and then we ricocheted to the West Coast when we moved to Oregon in 1982. Still love living in Oregon but I also feel whole and as if I'm home when I walk down the streets of New York. Ft. Wayne, not so much.

But I would go there anytime to see my brother and his family. As I sat in the Memorial Coliseum Wednesday night and watched Josh graduate, I went back to 1981 when I sat in the same coliseum and graduated from the same school with a degree in business, major in accounting. John and I had not married – that would happen 3 months later. But he was there, sitting with Dead Rita and Mr. Papa, watching. He had graduated college years earlier and he came from Cleveland to watch his young fiancé get her diploma. He later said to me, "Vic, you talked through the WHOLE thing!" I've always felt bad about that. Like I'd done something wrong. But sitting there in the stands, I noticed EVERYBODY was talking during the dutiful reading of 1,500 + graduates! (except when Josh's name was called and we cheered like maniacs!) Even all of the professors and heads of the departments on stage! "HA!" I thought! There was nothing wrong with me talking 27 years ago! That alone was worth the price of admission (free – but that's not the point!) I called John on my cell phone back in Oregon during the reading of the names to tell him that I was sitting in the same coliseum where he had watched me 27 years earlier graduate and BY THE WAY – EVERYONE is talking so HA! (he laughed, told me he loved me).

My life flooded back over me and I was again amazed at this journey and where it has lead. I always tell young people don't even try to guess where you'll be in 20 years….you'll be wrong. Never in a million years would I have guessed we'd move to Oregon less than a year after I'd married. That I'd NOT become a CPA but instead reach goals beyond my imagination. That 27 years later I would not regret marrying a man with 4 teenagers but instead would revel in the joy this family would bring to my life. That I would return to Ft. Wayne to watch my brother's eldest son graduate in a field that Dead Rita had encouraged him to pursue, and that yes indeedy, he was taking his art to the world! That Rita and Mr. Papa would both be dead and it would matter deeply to me that they were no longer present to share these milestone moments.

I raced home to Oregon Thursday eveing so that I could speak Friday morning in one the most important speeches I have given to date. Not for its content, but for its audience. I had the joy of speaking at the conference for the Guardian/Conservator Association Conference, the organization that I co-founded 20 years ago and served as its first President. Another look back.

My work as a guardian/conservator was born from a desire to be at home with the kids after we moved to Oregon. Teenagers appear to me to need some supervision. And my personal big dream at the time of becoming a CPA would have to wait. It's still waiting. I needed something to do that would be meaningful but keep me close to home. That business, which began in 1983 and closed in 2000 significantly altered my life's work and gave me wisdom and knowledge that serves as a clear thread to today.

And the image of saffron threads comes to mind. They are so fine and delicate….and yet they dramatically affect the flavor of any recipe. Saffron comes from the saffron crocus. It takes 75,000 blossoms or 225, 000 hand-picked stigmas to make a single pound of saffron which explains why it is the world's most expensive spice. It takes so little to make add a significant flavor in a dish.

And so it is with our life. It's the little things. The ability to look at the past and see those seemingly insignificant moments in retrospect that give meaning to today. It was a wonderful week. And not just because I got to spend time with my brother and his family. Or that I got to see old friends and new faces of those who want to make a profound difference in the lives of the elderly who are most vulnerable.

But because I remembered once again that our future is profoundly shaped by our past. And it takes away the fear of what the future holds. I was never right before about where the present would lead and I am certain that is not changing! But for now, it's back to the future.