Saturday, October 25, 2008

Darkest before the Dawn



Twice I watched my parents file bankruptcy. It was brutal for Dead Rita. Not so much for Mr. Papa. He lived as if everything would take care of itself. Was a huge risk taker and didn't plan for the future. He sold insurance and ironically bought none for Dead Rita so that when she had cancer, she had no insurance. For her, there was so much shame at failure. For him, more of a defiance. He was the fighter. I did love that about him. But it cost them everything as a couple.


I always believed as I watched Dead Rita suffer, that her priorities were not quite in place. But her reaction came from a life of embarrassment and fear. And so to lose everything was … everything. My perspective is different.


I am so thankful I was in Rwanda this last month. Even the bit of news I saw on the BBC or CNN when it came through on my TV, was difficult. I could get the news on my laptop, but was too busy to follow the day to day ups and downs. We have tried to protect our assets as much as possible but are also deeply affected by the worldwide financial crisis. Not easy, but not everything as it was to Dead Rita.


I have been given a perspective that is not unique, but certainly not common. It is not all about the bankruptcy of the material – it is so much more so about the bankruptcy of the spirit. And that of course is not lost. While Rwanda is a place of incredible growth and healing, it is also a place of loss and pain. The deaths of over one million people have brought suffering on the millions left behind. True loss. True hopelessness. With no chance to recovery – just the prayer of healing the loss. And to see that first hand reminds me of what is important and true and worth suffering for.


Whenever I get overwhelmed thinking about our financial future, a different future than I imagined just a month ago, I remember. We are not bankrupt. Of the financial and certainly not of the spirit. I control only ONE thing: my reaction to the present. And dear Dead Rita's Wisdom comes to mind: it's always darkest before the dawn.


It is darker in the world than it has been in a long time. We must remember the dawn is coming. And while life is changing, we have so much to be thankful for. I cannot tell you how remembering those words, which while not original to her, but coming from her, comfort me. Remember the wisdom from those you love or have lost, and be comforted.

Friday, October 24, 2008

A Must Read (AMR) Always ahead of her time

IMAGE SHOWN IS THE FIRST BIRD DEAD RITA EVER DREW FOR ME....HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE BLOG! :)

Dead Rita was always ahead of her time. No really. She would get an amazing idea and then NOT act on it due to fear or insecurity or lack of faith in herself. And then six months to a year after she realized or created something, it would hit BIG.

When she retired from her work, she didn't know what she wanted to do but she wanted to create. She had very little money and had started doing these amazing shadow boxes that looked like real scenes. What she couldn't buy in miniature, she made. Like tiny blocks, or crocheted a little rug. Amazing. When she told me about them, she was sure she could sell them for a couple of hundred dollars a piece. And I knew she could. They were exquisite. John and I decided to seed her with the cash. A modest $500. I thought she would pee her pants she was so excited.

She created about 10 scenes and took them to a high end craft show in Ft. Wayne. I knew they would sell out. She was terrified to show them and get feedback. Mr. Papa went with her – the ultimate salesman/carny hawker. EVERYONE stopped to admire them. Few were purchased. A little out of range of Ft. Wayne Christmas shoppers. She was crushed. About 2 years later, I saw the same idea (nowhere near as exquisite) in a high end gift shop. Dead Rita was with me and we just shook our heads. That happened all the time!

It reminds me of this book I just read that you should read: A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future by Daniel H. Pink. This book was published 3 years ago but it was new to me. It's a fascinating discussion of the shift our world is making to honor the right side of our brain. The creativity; the uniqueness that is in each of us; the freedom we gain when not constrained by anything other than our senses (as defined by Pink: DESIGN, STORY, SYMPHONY, EMPATHY, PLAY, MEANING). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhKLSTBSgwI

This book was Dead Rita – operating fully with BOTH sides of her brain – the accountant/artist….cerebral/verbal….intellectual/practical. Her wisdom for me continues to be magnificent. And when I finish my book proposal, it will be for you too! J

Friday, October 3, 2008

10 Years Later

I'm in Rwanda through 22 October working on behalf of the Itafari Foundation. I believe this will still be posted on 3 October in US. I just wanted to note that it's the 10th anniversary of Rita's passing: how unbelievable to me. Who knew 10 years later I would be working here. I was telling Sara who came from the UK to join me that there was only one thing I knew for sure: that Dead Rita and I would grow old together. I was wrong. But I could have only have dreamed that this woman who loved me so well could touch the lives of so many since her death. May all you do in your life honor those you have lost, as I strive to honor my dearest departed Mother.

I've been bad about blogging in the last month as I prepared for this, my 6th trip to Rwanda in 3 years: read my other blog to follow that adventure. http://itafari.org and go to the blog highlighted on the homepage.

Hope to see you somewhere in the world, sometime soon.