Darkest before the Dawn

Twice I watched my parents file bankruptcy. It was brutal for Dead Rita. Not so much for Mr. Papa. He lived as if everything would take care of itself. Was a huge risk taker and didn't plan for the future. He sold insurance and ironically bought none for Dead Rita so that when she had cancer, she had no insurance. For her, there was so much shame at failure. For him, more of a defiance. He was the fighter. I did love that about him. But it cost them everything as a couple.

I always believed as I watched Dead Rita suffer, that her priorities were not quite in place. But her reaction came from a life of embarrassment and fear. And so to lose everything was … everything. My perspective is different.

I am so thankful I was in Rwanda this last month. Even the bit of news I saw on the BBC or CNN when it came through on my TV, was difficult. I could get the news on my laptop, but was too busy to follow the day to day ups and downs. We have tried to protect our assets as much as possible but are also deeply affected by the worldwide financial crisis. Not easy, but not everything as it was to Dead Rita.

I have been given a perspective that is not unique, but certainly not common. It is not all about the bankruptcy of the material – it is so much more so about the bankruptcy of the spirit. And that of course is not lost. While Rwanda is a place of incredible growth and healing, it is also a place of loss and pain. The deaths of over one million people have brought suffering on the millions left behind. True loss. True hopelessness. With no chance to recovery – just the prayer of healing the loss. And to see that first hand reminds me of what is important and true and worth suffering for.

Whenever I get overwhelmed thinking about our financial future, a different future than I imagined just a month ago, I remember. We are not bankrupt. Of the financial and certainly not of the spirit. I control only ONE thing: my reaction to the present. And dear Dead Rita's Wisdom comes to mind: it's always darkest before the dawn.

It is darker in the world than it has been in a long time. We must remember the dawn is coming. And while life is changing, we have so much to be thankful for. I cannot tell you how remembering those words, which while not original to her, but coming from her, comfort me. Remember the wisdom from those you love or have lost, and be comforted.